A Crack in the Shell [Private/Nai]

Today was the day of improvements, even if they were small! His unsteady hands reached out for the cup and accepted it, nodding his thanks as he pulled it toward his face. Fang gave it a healthy sniff, expression softening in familiarity and anticipation. It'd been so long. It was silly to think he'd thought about missing tea in those very small moments between water filling his lungs and the darkness that it brought...but he had. Fang had had plenty of time to reflect on every facet of his live many times over. Never did he consider he'd be sitting on a modern day couch with a human girl, drinking another cup of tea. Sencha. His mother made this for him during molting and other ailments. He sipped it carefully, not because it was hot, but because his stomach was so utterly empty he expected the shock it would feel, and he was right. After one sip he paused, closing his eyes and trying to avoid the wince as it hit his stomach. At first he thought he'd be sick again, but once the tea properly got into his belly and sat, the wave of nausea passed and he took another sip. Life might be hell, but some parts weren't so bad.

About halfway through the tea he tried a rice cracker. It had the same impact as the tea, making him sit very very still for a few moments, but the discomfort passed and he could continue if he was careful. Maybe it was because he was so hungry, but just the little bit of food and drink was making him feel full and overall a bit better. There was a weakness that wouldn't leave until he fed on something quite different, but for now this would be more than fine. Fang looked up at his host again and offered an expression of gratitude. This girl was basically a stranger. She owed him nothing. Why she did all this for him, put up with all of the trouble he caused, he would never understand. Kurenai had invited a damaged boy into her home and worked too hard to save him, when he hardly wanted saving but had very little option otherwise. He felt a pang of guilt over what he'd be attempting soon. She worked so hard, only for him to hopefully take his own life. She'd be disappointed, but ultimately it'd be better for her to get back to normal. If he could fly off into the sunset first to shield her from it he would, but Fang wasn't dumb. He knew he was too weakened. He needed to feed on blood, and he'd rather die. He was pissed he knew he couldn't throw himself into Aubade and kill himself, because for sure that'd get his soul ripped out and end his suffering. Aubade was too far away.

It...was a shame, though. Regardless of his plans, he found himself wanting to get to know the Shimazu girl. He could tell she was from the same country as he was. She had a feeling of home that wasn't entirely because she closely resembled...her. But she was different from his former lover in many ways, more ways he noticed every minute she was near. Without being sure of exactly his motives, Fang couldn't deny that a small part of him wanted to get to know this gentle soul. To share the couch and drink tea together as friends unafraid of a fire raid any time they stopped to rest. Even now he hoped she'd sit beside him, as if just being in proximity to another living body after so long would soothe some sort of emotional need. The phoenix was starved in so many different ways, he could hardly consider what things would make any of it better.

And another victory! Fang looked over at her, tilting his head a little as if he was thinking it over. A library, hm? He was curious about the outside. His body was sore from laying in bed so long, so he didn't really want to go back there. Now that his fog had lifted, he should try and stay distracted so he couldn't think too much on the bad memories. Fang nodded and accepted her offer. Pulling his legs up on the couch and situating on them so he was kneeling, he bowed a proper thanks to her. She was being very nice to him. It was a kindness he couldn't even consider how to possibly repay.

Once he'd sat with her a few moments and enjoyed the proximity of another person, he rose and padded back over to her poor bookshelf. It couldn't stay like this. Once it was cleaned up, they could go to the library, right? A little less shaky than before, he lifted the shelves and put them back in their place, then began picking up and placing books. Crimson eyes roved over them as he did, frowning a little. The language didn't look familiar. Would all the books in the library be unreadable to him? Fang fretted over this a little, since he did love to read. More and more out of touch, it seemed.

It took a little time for him to get the shelving unit back in place and all the contents in it. He was certain it wasn't organized like however she had it, but she could either do it later or tell him how when they got back. He didn't think he needed a jacket, but he wouldn't fight her on it. Phoenixes were hot blooded. They barely needed clothes in the winter. However, her heart was in the right place, so whatever.

The last book he picked up seemed to be in some sort of modernized version of his natural tongue. He could make out a few letters and possibly some words, so he took that book with him to the window to peer out across the wintery campus. Fang was anxious. The unknown was kinda scary. He wasn't the same guy that he was back all those years, so not knowing yourself let alone the world you now lived in was daunting. His eyes alternated between the scene before him and the pages of what seemed to be a book on Hisakawa. Probably history or something. If nothing else he was seeing pictures of his home, some familiar though very old, and occasionally places where the terrain was recognizable but the structures were foreign to him. Home. His fingers ran over a particularly dated picture of the eastern city. Where his family and friends still alive? It was tough to kill a phoenix unless they were guilty of breaking a rule, but who knew what could have happened. The war was full of soul eating species, so not even his kind were completely safe. Too bad he couldn't find a soul devouring species now.

Turning to look at her once she returned, his deep pools of red took in the jacket with a little surprise. Where had that come from? It was too big to be hers, but he knew he didn't own one before. He had basically nothing than the few articles she and Kiran had given him to keep him from being naked. But to be honest, he didn't even know where his stuff was, since he'd just started moving around today. Placing the book down on the table as he turned from the window, Fang silently moved to her and picked up the jacket. She'd gone to all that trouble to find it, the least he could do was wear it.

Putting it on, it was a little big, but comfortable and perfect anyway. He nodded that he still wanted to go, though now that he was closer to her, he could have sworn her skin was lighter. While he was seemingly a well mannered boy, there was a weird disconnect with how he dealt with personal space. The back of his hand reached out to lightly touch her forehead, checking temperature while also sorta asking if she was feeling ok. Then he took a quick stock of her bruises, checking for extra bruising. She didn't have internal injuries, did she? Humans were rather fragile... Perhaps his attention to detail was going to be a curse for her. With a head tilt of concern, he looked directly into her face as if awaiting an explanation. Was she in pain? Was she feeling sick? Taking care of him might have run her immunities down. It had to have been stressful...

Again, he didn't trust her, but he had little reason to push it. He was just a stranger in her home. He'd invaded her space enough and definitely taken up enough of her time. The guilt was already heavy for what he'd put her through, yet he couldn't just silently argue with her and force her to be truthful. Fang was concerned about her honesty, though, since this jacket didn't seem used. But it was also a very foreign piece of clothing, so what did he know? Maybe modern clothes never aged. Either way, he bowed slightly in thanks, then moved toward the door and opened it.

Peering into the hall, he suddenly felt unsure. It was frightening, being so out of place. There were rumbles of voices from one end of the hall, and strange looking people walked to and fro. He had always been a bit cautious, but now the ninja bird was downright timid. He was scared of a whole bunch of things at once. Brows puckered as he froze in the doorway, fingers frantically kneading the hem of his borrowed jacket. It was so frustrating! He didn't feel like himself at all, but he really wanted to go to the library!

He didn't flinch under her hand on his shoulders like he might have a few days ago. The soft strokes she'd given his hair while he laid in shut-down mode seemed to have gotten him used to her specific brand of touch. She cooed to him, and despite his trepidation and instinct to turn and run back into the bedroom's now familiar safety, he lingered in the door and watched her. She went into the hall. Made the effort to try and help him, lure him out. Fang wanted to overcome this obstacle, no matter how small. Get a good look outside before he tried to end it all. No matter how many times she said he was safe, he had a hard time believing it. Part of him knew all the dangers he'd been in were probably long gone. By all rights, this was the safest he'd ever been. But the trauma, the centuries long fear was hard to turn off. It felt as if one of his tormentors would pop around a corner at any moment, shackle him, destroy what little dignity he still had. The guards would return and haul him to a new jar. It didn't make sense, but that was part of how his damage worked on him.

Fang surprised himself. Just when he was sure he'd either run to the bathroom to hurl or hop back under the covers for a while, his right hand released the hem of the coat and hesitantly reached out. How long had it been since he'd reached out for another person's comfort? Once he realized it, the common motion felt so foreign that it distracted him from the panic. A calloused and scarred hand that couldn't stop a subtle shaking slid its fingers into her offered grip, taking gentle hold as he managed a couple steps into the hall. He flinched at every noise --and there were a lot of noises from the rowdy students-- but he seemed to actually take enough comfort in holding her hand to continue their journey out into the world.

Fang felt like he couldn't get enough air. There were too many people. The steady stream of voices and bodies and smells (he was so thristy) made him want to run and hide, curl into a ball and over his ears and shrink from existence. They had little rectangles that somehow lit up and made noises, some almost like strange music while others had voices coming out of them. Not enough air. The hall swam a little as he trailed along behind Kurenai by the hand, almost in a daze. The faster they made it outside, the better. He could hardly wait. Fang was about to jump out of his skin.

But no! Nooo! They stopped. Someone was talking to her. He clenched his jaw instead of whimpering, like he felt like doing. Even under duress he couldn't bring himself to make a sound. Looking over the modern boy, he noticed the strange thing in his lap. What sort of weird magic did all of these people have! Little boxes with people and items trapped inside, making noises and flashing strange light. A portal? A prison? A symbiotic relationship between item and person, where the person bathed and gave nearly all attention to the glowing box that required their attention to survive? It was terrifying and confusing.

Though his eyes were locked on the horrifying piece of technology --oh no, it was sucking him in too-- he was tugged along long enough for him to break his attention from the gadget, at which point he couldn't get out fast enough. He couldn't breathe. Fang was one step away from hyperventilating. Pulling his hand from hers, he dashed the few feet forward until he could bust out of the dorm's doors and into the outside. A few steps out into the crunch frozen grass he stopped, bending over and resting his hands on his knees in an attempt to calm down and catch his breath.

....holy balls it was cold out here!