Give the Boy a Hand(private)

Ozaki actually had to take a moment to process Sharaku’s question to fully understand what was actually being asked. Was he asking if Ozaki ever talked to someone about his problems unprompted. Sure. When he was shit faced drunk at a bar or taking someone’s blood and planning on wiping their memory of the experience any how.

Of which he doubted that would be easily done on a normal vampire, let alone a werewolf vampire. Or maybe it’d be easier. Either way Ozaki didn’t want to take the risk with someone who knew Nyx personally. Or maybe that’s why he should spill the beans. But there were a few reasons why he didn’t want to. For one. He didn’t want to bother Sharaku with hearing his personal crap when he probably wasn’t interested. The werevamp had come here expecting some time alone with magical creatures that weren’t intimidated by his very scent.

Instead he got the displeasure of being around him. Nope. Nope. Hold onto the happy you had a moment earlier. Ozaki thought to himself. He had just had his arm healed up. He should be grateful for that at least. Right now wasn’t the time to go sinking into one of his pits. And boy was it deep today.

Ozaki was debating how to answer Sharaku’s question as he got to brushing to the unicorn’s tail, finally able to go at a decent pace. He did have some friends he was still in contact with from high school and college. And he had contacted Alise the other day after that whole mess with Fluffy. But all of them were busy with their own lives for him to feel comfortable calling them out of the blue to talk about his personal problems. Maybe he could call Alise. But now there was too much to bring up to her.

Breaking Nyx’s leg alone would be enough. But he’d actually met his sire… And boy had that been something… Had a few extreme revelations brought to him while he was at it too. Would she even give a damn about any of it? “If you’re asking if I have people to talk to about things. Of course I do. but I’m fine, really.”

Fake smile was fake. "I got my arm back, see?" 


WC: 398
TWC: 3719

Fuck. That was his first response in hearing that Sharaku could read his state of mind. Better than reading his thoughts but… Hell was there even a point in mincing his words around Sharaku? Probably not. But also yes. He cared about Nyx… At least that was the general feeling Ozaki got from him. Maybe. He just had a weird way of showing it.

If Sharaku found out what he had done to Nyx he’d probably judge him quite harshly for it. And yah. There’d be consequences. Perhaps Sharaku would get that it had been the black blood that had done it… But it had still been him, even if he was under the influence of that substance.

He was vaguely reminded of Dawn’s reaction when he had refused to let her know anything about how he had gotten hurt the other day. That reaction had been quite severe.

But did Sharaku even care what he was feeling? Or was he just annoyed by it? Ozaki felt himself stumped for words. What did Sharaku even want? Did he want him to be honest? Did he want him to talk about them? He doubted that.

Sharaku could probably tell how guilty he was feeling right now. And sad. And angry. And frustrated and confused. Truth and consequence. That sounded like the title to a book. The sequel to Pride and Prejudice. “Well that mindset isn’t going to go away even if I do talk about it, sorry to say.” He said as he worked onto the last of the snarls in the tail and lifted one of the hooves to start cleaning the dirt out of it.

His tone was a little less chipper now. But he was still regulating it somewhat in order to not spook the unicorns. “Are you trying to get me to talk about my feelings or whatever? Because I can guarantee that’ll be more headache inducing than just sensing the emotions. I can just go over and muck out the stalls while you do the grooming if its that much of a bother.”

Sharaku had said that as a joke… But Ozaki either didn’t catch that or was taking it too seriously.

WC: 372
TWC: 4091

Ozaki did not truly think that Sharaku was the worst. Frankly he was just trying to grasp at any reason to not speak on them. And assuming that Sharaku didn’t really want to hear them in the first place had been one of his gambits. One that had failed obviously. The vampire let go of the unicorn’s hoof and then was about to move onto the next one when he paused, looking towards Sharaku.

Sharaku was the level headed sort… Odds are he would not be like Dawn and fly off the handle. Dawn herself had stated the other day that if anyone hurt Nyx badly- even him- she would experiment on them. Sharaku wasn’t that kind of person. But still, he was afraid of saying the words out loud to someone else who would remember them.

The were vampire was bringing up good points as always, a fact that was both annoying and… Something else. He liked how calm and collected Sharaku always seemed to be. His occasional weird humor was enjoyable too.

He could see this all coming out in the worst way if left simply to its own devices. Without context he’d look like a monster. Hell even with it he looked terrible. Ozaki drew his fingers through his hair and shut his eyes tightly for a moment, trying to gather himself. It felt like he was about to jump off of a high dive board. He could try and answer Sharaku’s questions directly… But the truth of what he was fritzing out about would be just as potent an answer as any.

The truth could hurt to say out loud. And could just as easily be used as a weapon against the person who had made themselves vulnerable. The truth could easily turn people against you and make them have something against you.

“I broke Nyx’s leg while under the influence of the tainted blood.” Ozaki finally managed to say in a strained voice, trying to keep his voice from cracking or tears from spilling. He opened his eyes, keeping them trained on Sharaku’s feet. He was unable to meet the man’s eyes.

But wanted to keep an eye on him… Just in case. He was trying his best not to cry right now. The last thing he wanted to do was have a melt down here. Not in front of Sharaku of all people.

WC: 407
TWC: 4498

He was relieved Sharaku wasn’t going to attack. Knowing his personality it seemed improbable. But Ozaki was on edge about everything right now. Sharaku was right about what he said about people being who did horrible things by choice were different than those who had been forced into it… But he’d never really been able to fully believe that. Heedless of the circumstances, his hands had still done the deed.

“I couldn’t find her.” Ozaki muttered. Even while he was attacking her the only thing Nyx kept asking was if he was okay. What was wrong with him. What had happened to his fangs. He needed to go to the hospital. Black blood is bad. She was probably more concerned for him than herself. “I still can’t forgive myself for how I acted though… It was crazy. I was so… I mean I was spewing hateful bible verses for Dracula’s sake. And after Nyx teleported away I figured…”

As a tear slipped past his guard the unicorn stooped down and licked it off. He really should be getting back to work. He didn’t have to tell Sharaku anything more than he had. Was Ozaki trying to get the man to hate him? That wouldn’t work anyways. “I figured I’d go v-vampire hunting… After all I said and did… I honestly can’t say I didn’t deserve to get my arm cut off by the man.” His voice was wavering and nearly inaudible as he wiped at the unicorn saliva on his cheek, hoping that would veil any further tears that may have fallen. By Dracula's Fang why couldn't he just hold it together? 

If he hadn’t been as brutally maimed as he had he probably would have found even half the excuse to do so himself. Rather than the peaceful quest with unicorns, he’d probably have gone straight to hell. He couldn’t forgive himself.

WC: 326
TWC: 3647

As a matter of fact… No it had not reduced suffering. Ozaki had no problem with his own suffering. But due to his injuries he had attacked that maid. He felt bad for trying to eat her… But on the other hand. What had that vampire been thinking taking a vampire into his estate who had basically been drained dry at that point? An estate with human staff. If he were going to do that basic safety precautions would have been called for. Like restraining Ozaki in the likely possibilty that he woke up. Their variant was liable to slip into comas after massive damage was inflicted…

But there was also a known thing such as a blood frenzy. Something extremely likely to happen after wounds that had resulted in the loss of blood… Overall it was a better option for a body that needed to actually recover.

It had taken him a whole day to wake up after that, at which point he did indeed have a hard time finding Nyx. It had delayed bettering the situation and made things worse. He could fully accept his part with harming the maid… But if he thought about it, the other vampire had been woefully careless.

“No… Guess it didn’t do any good.” Nonetheless, he did deserve it was Ozaki’s stance there. He could go onto talk about the maid, but Ozaki already felt exposed enough without going into more detail.

He wasn’t used to indulging personal information about his life. Even Nyx hardly knew a thing about him… Heh… And he wondered why she herself didn’t share anything either. They were eerily similar in some ways. But perhaps he was reading too much into it.

Ozaki picked up one of the unicorn’s dirty hooves after managing to get ahold of himself and started cleaning away the accumulated dirt. They did still have a job to do.

… Now he thought about it bringing Nyx here would have been a great idea to make her heal faster. But as old as she was that would have to merit the question of whether or not she was…. Whether she would meet a unicorn’s standards. He doubted even Nyx would know that. Goddamn his thoughts had just gotten weird. Why did unicorns have to be so fixated on weird things?!

Any how. If Sharaku was theorizing that the tainted blood had revealed something new about Ozaki, he would honestly beg to differ. If he thought about it he knew where that part of him had come from… As much as he might try and deny it, he had been raised up within the Church of Purity. And as many years as had passed, some of those thoughts were still there. He hated them with a passion whenever they arose. And hated that he had acted fully within everything he had been raised as a human to think, and everything he fought so desperately as a vampire to deny.

WC: 500
TWC: 4147

By the time Sharaku had gotten back Ozaki was nearly done with the unicorn’s hooves, and had managed to get himself at least remotely composed again. He wasn’t openly crying at least any more. Damn it all he had to get a better hold on himself. And now apparently his inner emotions too. Normally he could put those in neat little boxes. But this was all too much to just simply box right now.

He could’t push it aside and ignore it when it was actively chasing him down. “Its not like I was trying to get hurt.” This time… Ozaki was generally reckless though. Sharaku had him better pegged than the vampire was comfortable with. At this point it almost didn’t matter what he said, because the longer he was close to Sharaku the more insight he was getting into his mind.

“I should go get a new unicorn.” He muttered, leading the unicorn he’d been tending out.

That was exactly how he felt. He lagged a bit in returning with a new unicorn, trying to condense his feelings meanwhile into at the very least a corner in his mind. They were taking care of unicorns after all. This should be fun. Or something. When he got back he hadn’t yet quite formulated what he wanted to say to Sharaku. He wished the were-vamp would just stop digging. Oh look. Another werewolf joke. Shut the fuck up Ozaki.

“Can’t we just focus on the unicorns or something? I took this job to try and get away from all that stuff for awhile.” He doubted that Sharaku would drop it. But it was worth asking.

WC: 282
TWC: 4429

Keep cool. Keep calm. He couldn’t snap at Sharaku for just asking questions. He was just being concerned. Or was he? Why was he asking these questions? Ozaki couldn’t even begin to parse what motives he might have. Did he genuinely care enough to ask? Or maybe he was worried about Nyx and was asking all these things because he was thinking that as he was Ozaki wasn’t capable of handling her?

He wouldn’t be wrong.

Ozaki shut up. He can read your emotional state? You know what he’s probably reading right now? Paranoia and suspicion. He might as well be an open book to Sharaku. He really should get something to shield his mind from the kinds of people who could read its state. Those that could either read or smell emotions were hard to try and be discrete around.

Ozaki busied himself with rubbing down the unicorn’s fur with the brush to clean the dirt off. “You know… I really don’t get you. You don’t seem to care, so why do you keep asking questions at all?” He might care, Ozaki thought. Sharaku just didn’t have the best way of expressing it. But Ozaki couldn’t see it right now. And as obvious as he was to Sharaku right now… Why not bother asking such a question?

WC: 228
TWC: 4657